Opinion piece -written by Samaira Aima, a grade 11 student.

During the initial stages of a relationship, it is normal to feel good when our partner shows protective and possessive behavior towards us and we experience a feeling of belonging. Building a healthy, long-lasting relationship is possible when this sense of belonging is balanced with independence and individuality.

In contrast, when this possessiveness is rooted in fear, insecurity, and jealousy, it can quickly become a toxic relationship where you feel controlled, suffocated, and even abused.

Extreme possessiveness is a red flag. Here’s why it is dangerous

When does innocent possessiveness become aggressive abuse? When do you realize that it’s enough? If you do not resolve possessiveness in your relationship, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, unhappiness, depression, lack of self-esteem, anger, stress, and mental, physical, and emotional abuse.

A possessive partner can be a serious concern, as it can negatively affect not only your relationship but also your emotional and mental well-being. Possessive partners without any self-control to avoid aggression can demonstrate dangerous behavior if left unchecked. If they feel threatened or challenged, or if they fear losing you, they can quickly become violent. 

It is normal for people to be possessive in romantic relationships. But if they stop you from living your life to the fullest, limit your social life and deny you the support you need to grow and thrive because of their own insecurities and unhealthy perspective on relationships, then it’s time to take notice.

Traits and behaviour of a possessive partner that you need to watch out for:

• Putting Restrictions on You–  You know it is not Love when your partner tries to restrict your behavior and actions by putting limits on you. 
• Controlling how You look– When your partner attempts to control or influence your appearance by telling you what to wear or not wear, you know this is beyond healthy relationship boundaries.
• Manipulating Your Decisions and Violating Your Privacy–When your opinions and views hold no value and your privacy is violated as your partner has trust issues, you know it is not Love.
• Not having a Life beyond You and Expecting You to spend all your time with them– You know it is not a healthy relationship when your partner is totally dependent on you for their self-esteem/self-worth and expects you to devote all your time to them.
• Being Jealous of Your Opposite Sex Friends– When your partner gets excessively upset about your spending time with friends of the opposite gender, it can lead to them getting doubtful or even delusional to a point that they start believing that you are cheating on them. 
• Not being able To Take “No” for an Answer– When your partner gets extremely upset about your disagreeing with what they do or say and reacts in a toxic way, you know it is not love.

Never accept Toxic Possessiveness

You need to take a stand and become assertive if you feel your partner is controlling and manipulating you in the name of love. Being in a relationship shouldn’t feel like a life sentence. It should be liberating and empowering. 

As rightly said by Osho, “ Love is not possessiveness; many people think that’s what love is you possess somebody totally. To possess somebody is to destroy all possibility of love.”

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